The mind is a hurdle to get past when losing weight

So I have lost 5 lbs. Which is a wonderful accomplishment given we just passed Thanksgiving. But yet I am not happy. My self esteem lacks so very badly. I have been watching "What Not to Wear" and I think I would be their biggest challenge. My graying dark brown hair always in a pony tail, bent glasses, crazy wild eyebrows, no make-up knowledge what so ever, and clothes I have worn for 10 + years. Most the time jeans and tank tops or baggy shirts. 

What can I say I was raised by a man and he didn't have the know how to teach me how to be feminine. Don't get me wrong my happiest memories are of playing catch and fishing with my dad. But now at 31 and as I am trying to get back to my pre-children weight I cant help but be envious of all their friends moms who always look stunning. I want to be that kind of mom.

I know we are our toughest judges but what I wouldn't give to be given the chance to wipe the slate clean and start over and be given the knowledge. But these things also cost money which is a luxury I do not have. What to do now? 

I must find a way to not only lose the weight but do something that will give me a new perspective of me...wash away all these negative feelings I get when I look in the mirror. This road to 135 is taking all kinds of twists and turns but I am hopeful although the road is still very long. 

Fingers crossed!

UPDATE # 1

So it has been a little over 2 weeks since I began this blog and I weighed over 170 lbs. I am officially UNDER the 170 mark!!! I weighed in this morning at 167lbs. It's not a dramatic change but it is a GREAT start in my eyes. 

The only changes I have made thus far is my eating. I am not snacking all day everyday. I have managed to dance with the kids daily. And also my spirits have been lifted the last few days which certainly helps with motivation. Starting tomorrow I will be walking in the morning, ab circle in the afternoon, and walking in the evening. 

I am feeling more confident now more then ever and I have found special reasons to stay motivated. 

That's all I have for today. Thank you for following me and all the support :)

My Story

My name is Rachel. I am a mom of 3 amazing kids and the wife of a supportive and loving man. 

I have always been able to lose baby weight after being pregnant. 130 has always been my average. But this time I am struggling. I figured out what the difference is between my first two kids and my youngest. With my first two I worked. So being on your feet 8 hours a day the chub melts right off. With my 21 month old I am a stay at home mom who now crochets for a living. Not on my feet much. The weight keeps going up. 

My breaking point was last night. I weighed myself against my better judgement. It was heartbreaking for me. Ya see I have noticed things about myself...walking leaves me short breathed,  I feel like I am ALWAYS hungry, and I just don't have energy. Adult Diabetes seems to run in the family and I even had gestational diabetes with my youngest so I am on the path to AD especially if I don't start taking better care of myself NOW. I have to do something! I am not a workout at the gym kind of person and changing my diet and having to eat and certain way while catering to my stubborn kiddos and their tastes will cost more then we can do right now. So what can I do. I HAVE A PLAN. Might not be a good one but I have to try.

My plan is to become more active. Some of you are probably saying "duuuuuh!" But there's a little more to it. I am going to keep eating as I do just in moderation. We can do the whole fruit for a snack thing. Salads for lunch. As far as the active part. Once an hour get up and dance with Aerith ( my youngest ) she is 24lbs now:) so I think holding her and dancing to a few songs will be good exercise to get the heart pumping. At least once or even twice a day go play a game of tag with my older two or play catch or walk with all three. Bottom line is to just move around 100 x more then I do now. 

I am giving myself a year ( or less ) to lose the weight. I imagine it will take some time. I will get there. I am doing this blog and posting every week as a kind of public journal. Maybe being able to read my journey might help me keep up with it and maybe having supporters take the journey with me will encourage me to push even harder. 

So how much do I weigh? That's a hard question to answer. I am ashamed I let myself get this way.  No judgement! I am 172lbs. Larger then any of my pregnancies. I don't want this. I want to be ME again. There is a small voice inside my head that says "I can't do this" but then there's an even LOUDER voice in my head that says "I CAN DO THIS!!!" I know my weight isn't as dramatic as say someone who goes on The Biggest Loser but to me it's a HUGE deal. And I am glad to share it with everyone. Wish me luck! I will post every Saturday with highlights from the previous week. And I will weigh myself every Saturday. If I lose a pound a week even I will be thrilled.

My journey begins today!